Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Do I Ask Too Much?

My mother is bugging me to set dates for moving and I don't have any. It's April for crying out loud and I have no place to stay or job and it seems ridiculous to even be looking now. I thought I would look into all that starting in June. She wants to know now so she can plan some fucking shit for her stupid ass friends who I don't even really like that much. What is more important, getting your daughter safely to Cali, or planning some stupid ass party? We'll see.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The First Step

@ Home


Every day it gets closer and closer. More real. Tangible. That moving date is there, looming in the distance. Yet, it still feels like a pipe dream. Some fantasy I made up to distract me from real life. When it starts to feel real, I freak out.

Last week, I was invited to an MBA event at school for perspective and fall students. I absolutely wanted to go and something was telling me I needed to go. But I don't have the money to fund this. Not on a whim. (Well I do, but I am saving it for other things). So I turned to Dad. Told him the whole story, told him I wished I could go, but I didn't have the cash. He like the idea and said he'd pass it on to mom and see what she could do. And she said yes. My mother. She is quite gung ho on this happening I think. She believes in me.

So they are giving me some money, bought the tickets and now I am going. Two days in Oakland, by myself. Via plane.

This initially scared the SHIT out of me! How the fuck was I going to navigate Oakland alone by myself. Then I realized, if I can't go to Oakland for 2 days by myself. How the fuck was I going to move there? I have to do this. If only to prove to myself that I can. And I can. I absolutely can.

Will it be hard? Yes.

Will it be scary? Yes.

Will it be worth it? I hope so.

I am slowly starting to feel better about it. Hell, I'm almost excited! This is my future.

Listening to Green Day helps.


@ work

Accepted!! I was accepted! I am moving to California!!

Round 2 begins...

@ Hampton Inn, Heyward CA.

Here goes round 2.

This time San Francisco. And this time, we flew. EEEEK!! I did alright. Mostly.

The plane was late getting into Denver and therefore was late leaving Denver, which was annoying. We should have left at 1:55 and we left at 3:05. SO annoying! And I couldn't sit by my dad, which was also annoying.

But we made it. We got to see the school and I met the dean of the program, it was awesome. This school is so beautiful. It's amazing. I love it. I can totally see myself here. This is my future.

On Friday night we saw American Idiot: The Musical at the Berkeley Rep. AMAZING! Officially my favorite musical now. Thank you Green Day. You know, they were the reason I opened my search to San Francisco. And the reason I wanted to check out Mills. And the reason I booked this trip when I did. I know that makes me sound like a stalker, but I am not. I fully expect to NEVER see them or ever even know them. But I owe them.

On Saturday we did the city. We saw Alcatraz from afar, shopped through some of the city, crossed the Golden Gate Bridge, walked down Haight-Ashbury, and even took a moment to see the Full House Houses (which go by a name I absolutely cannot rememeber and refuse to use.)

The today we went up into the hillsides and went to a winery. We drank wine, we bought wine, it was lovely.

I love this place. It is my new home. Now, I'll I have to do, is get accepted to college.


@ Home

I want to move to California!! The sooner, the better.

You know, for the longest time now, I have had this feeling that something big, something great is on the horizon. But it's sort of gone now, and I feel a little stuck. I thought for awhile that it was this particular oppurtunity (that I don't want to mention), but it most certainly is not.

So fuck.

I totally needed to re-evaluate some things.

Oh yeah, and Cali may change from LA to San Francisco. College. MBA. Hopefully...

Why not me?

@ Home

Why don't I live in LA? Why can't I go to cool things like premieres and the MTV movie awards? Why can't I hang out with cool celebs? Boo! My real life is surprisingly dull now. Ha!

It would probably be boring in LA too, huh?


Blog is behind!

I promise I'll catch up!