The First Step

@ Home

California.

Every day it gets closer and closer. More real. Tangible. That moving date is there, looming in the distance. Yet, it still feels like a pipe dream. Some fantasy I made up to distract me from real life. When it starts to feel real, I freak out.

Last week, I was invited to an MBA event at school for perspective and fall students. I absolutely wanted to go and something was telling me I needed to go. But I don't have the money to fund this. Not on a whim. (Well I do, but I am saving it for other things). So I turned to Dad. Told him the whole story, told him I wished I could go, but I didn't have the cash. He like the idea and said he'd pass it on to mom and see what she could do. And she said yes. My mother. She is quite gung ho on this happening I think. She believes in me.

So they are giving me some money, bought the tickets and now I am going. Two days in Oakland, by myself. Via plane.

This initially scared the SHIT out of me! How the fuck was I going to navigate Oakland alone by myself. Then I realized, if I can't go to Oakland for 2 days by myself. How the fuck was I going to move there? I have to do this. If only to prove to myself that I can. And I can. I absolutely can.

Will it be hard? Yes.

Will it be scary? Yes.

Will it be worth it? I hope so.

I am slowly starting to feel better about it. Hell, I'm almost excited! This is my future.

Listening to Green Day helps.